The Itsy Bitsy Climbing Spider Who Climbed the Water Spout

By: Bowen Beecher

Once upon a time there was spider named Tony. He was a climber. He climbed all the time. He climbed rocks, trees, and fences. There was only one thing he hadn’t climbed; the water spout. It was a difficult climb because of the running water that was practically unpredictable. Not many around him had done it. At the age of 26 he was diagnosed with cancer. He knew he did not have very much time to live. Tony thought about all the things he was happy with and all the things he regretted. He found only two. He never talked to any of his 3,000 siblings or his parents, and he had never attempted to climb the water spout. He started training the next day. He had about 3 weeks until he wanted to climb it. Tony got all of the necessary equipment and spent time working on his upper body strength. The day of the climb was approaching and he was confident. The spout had gone two days without letting out anything due to the lack of rain. He started the climb in the early afternoon. He hoped to finish by dinner time. Tony was about two hours in and feeling great. Just as he was approaching the top at 11:00 AM, he heard thunder.  He knew it was a storm approaching him. His only choice was to hurry to the top, but it was too late. A slow drizzle started down on him, followed by a raging river of water. It washed him straight out of the water spout. His dreams were crushed. He thought that he was going to die with regrets. All of the sudden it was like the world had shown sympathy for him. The rain cleared and dried all at once. He attempted the climb again and completed it 2 hours before his set goal. He was extremely happy and decided that he was destined to never give up. He built a lab in his basement devoted to find the cure for cancer. He worked nonstop for nine weeks and three days. He succeeded on the last day. He called up a medical clinic to present them with his findings. They scheduled several presentations throughout the country. The cure for cancer turned out to be feta and mozzarella cheese mixed together and injected directly into the bloodstream. He discovered this while carrying his syringe and dinner at the same time. He tripped over his dog while walking and the food and syringe mixed together into a holy combination that destroys cancer on contact. His genius discovery earned him millions of dollars and something to be remembered by. He proved the world that you can do anything that you set your mind to. About three years later while leaving an inspirational presentation he was hit by a car and died. He proved that no matter how you cheat death, you are going to die anyways.